Intervention of the Holy Spirit? a family spat made good
December 11, 2009
Very interesting and even exciting development tonight between two people sworn to unity. We had been looking forward to taking part in a progressive dinner with close neighbors. It had been organized by one couple, really gay blades, to share warmth and good will. With their touch it would be a delight and a real tribute to the spirit of peace on earth and good will toward men. Neighborly love.
We chose to provide the soup and salad and my wife has been thinking very hard about this. She is Japanese and so culturally predisposed to be not only a good neighbor, but a very good neighbor (sort of like the “very good†of Genesis). We are able to afford presentable dinner settings (which we justify in these dangerous times as useful in repeat performances) and are in the process of planning. My wife has made two delicious soups and a salad that could serve even as a dessert. So it would be a delight. And I note here that the delight is not in pursuit of any reward as some standing in the eyes of others, but rather in having deserved such a reward by our sincere concern to camaraderie and good will and good cheer.
Then a dear friend is coming either before the event or afterwards, and I began to talk as though he might come on that Tuesday, and my wife began to fear that I would hang out with my friend when that is the day that we must both be about preparations for our contribution to this common, neighborly feast. She did not say anything when learning of this possibility (also it being my birthday) and just worried and angered to herself in solitude. Then she heard me calling the impresario couple of the event and asking if we might have our friend take part in the event and learning that it would be fine. But then suddenly a volcano erupted in our midst and she chided me in anger and frustration that I would invite the friend on that very day of such bustle and importance.
At first I was dumbfounded by her anger, which is very rare, and gave into her and promised not to have my friend that day, but which she then also resented as implying she were to blame for being so concerned to host a good party. We would have to get additional china for the friend: extra expense, her working and me gabbing and she having to be concerned about my friend’s comfort on that day. I didn’t see this at first. At first all I wanted to do was to placate her and find peace, for it truly was not a big deal with me. If it was so important to her, and not critical to me, then so be it. I did seize an opportunity to mention how my dear friend was depressed and that she would feel bad if we had an opportunity to help him and not do so. That seemed to hurt her and make her even more angry as though that were an extortion. The fact was that he could come before or after and did not have to come on that very day and that we as a couple wanted to do a first class job regarding the dinner. Very rational thinking, although the expression was anger.
I just wanted it to end. But that wasn’t going to work. By just giving in would make her appear as an unreasonable person and to be placated like one might a dangerous lunatic. And then suddenly, and I don’t know how this happened, I suddenly saw it: we were obligated and wanted to make a great feast for some very important people, our neighbors, and I had not even considered that at all, but had merely imagined sitting around having fun or being helpful with my friend and not helping out with something which was very important to both of us, but which I had simply written off as a fait d’accomplie. There was indeed much to do, as I thought further about it, the dusting, the cleaning, the decorations the preparation of the food and setting of the table and the tidying up, etc. And I realized that while it would be considerable we would be sharing it together and that it would work out to be a nice evening. But it would require effort and focus. And my friend at that moment would be a distraction.
So I admitted to her the truth that I had been shortsighted and that God, with her help via her frustration and outburst, had awakened me. So I left things as they were and understood with my friend, he could come either before or after Tuesday. She later apologized for her outburst and I assured her that it was the will of God that she awaken me to the needs of others (as my best friend often reminds me) and to think first in this situation of her and our obligation and our neighbors.
And so a happy ending via an enlightenment by the Holy Spirit which, while painful (like the circumcision of the covenant), passed and left greater love and appreciation and awareness than before. From the righteous (but subjectively considered resented) anger of my wife, there was a short pain due, I guess, to the make up of the human. Our emotions and reactions will be affected by our culture and as based on those conditions certain inhibitions will develop which can fester and grow, and which in perfect candor would have been dealt with and solved at the very beginning and would never have abscessed.
We both realized we went through a little storm and she has apologized and I have refused to accept it as unwarranted since it was I who was off base in a dream and needed to wake up. It was rather I who needed to apologize for being the cause, not that it was mischievous but merely unthinking, but which still was (seen by me as) my fault and not hers. So we are now closer. Funny how that works.
So out of something which is culturally conditioned and becomes explosive and rejecting, something good emerges but, again, something which did not need to ever have arisen in the first place except for the cultural conditioning and our make up as humans. Sans the conditioning, i.e., in pure candor, the matter would never have arisen in the first place and would have been handled by common agreement that it were right. So we have a constitution as humans which makes us hide things and explosions ensue as a result, and which is dealt with but which never needed to have arisen in the first place.
I hope that my friend can come before or after, but most certainly come. We would most certainly do whatever were needed in case my friend had a severe depression and we could help, for that the neighbors and all people of good will will both understand and even appreciate it.
As I reflect further on this I imagine the Garden of Eden as a condition of total candor and where every thought was expressed. Then the fig leaves suggest the loss of that candor and the introduction of fear. The rest is the rule of fear and secrecy, i.e., most of human history and misery.