Reflection on the spat and the recovery
December 13, 2009
Let us imagine a perfect world, where Adam and Eve never put on the fig leaves and so never wandered into a world of secrecy and fear. In this perfect world, we adults, like children, would be speaking out our thoughts spontaneously would not understand the meaning of hide, except as in a game of play.
Now let’s imagine all the above under the circumstances of this perfect world of candor and peace of mind. In that case, upon accepting the call of the neighborhood for a joint celebration of the birth of a perfect man (a miracle in this imperfect world, but one Kant cautioned should not be rejected, since we all know that we should be such a person ourselves), we would have planned things out in advance. And in that plan we would have seen that (excepted for an implicit duty to any higher moral calling) we would want to be on our own that day (desiring to a creation of ourselves as a part of this glorious feast), and we would have realized together that we would not want disturbances, and so therefore, and by derivation, it would not be a good day for a friend (of mine but not of hers) to arrive. Consequently the explosion of frustration and anger that arose in the discussion would never have occurred, for it was the result of secrecy and fear (speaking generally, for while my wife had gone into great detail in private planning, she had not shared it with me, due in part and perhaps totally to a desire to think other thoughts and leaving the planning to her). And so it would never have happened.
But now we must get practical, I am sure Kant would remind us, and that means going from here. And this in this case would be a principle to think events out from the event backwards to our present moment, and further that I am not to make decisions alone and certainly not when I am intoxicated (this has been a precept for a long time, but not recalled when intoxicated, although my wife, rational being that she is, reminds me, but then I need to remember to mind her when she tells me to do things while I am intoxicated).
So then in general here is the lesson I want to draw from all this. Our model is a perfect world where explosive disagreements don’t arise in the first place, and so even though they have arisen, we start fresh and once again resolve to be very very rational about our lives together as one and do a better job next time.
I think that that, in brief, is the Christian message also. Our goal is a perfect world, i.e., for us a perfected world, and while we stumble in the sin of secrecy and fear we are not discouraged but get up and make it right between us and more forward toward that goal, learning from our mistakes.
We have the perfect pre-fall world as our model, and we are in an imperfect fallen world and we strive toward that model and we expect to make progress. That is the practical Christian message.
I am ever reminded of Gandhi: we have all the answers to all the questions, but fragmentally so that all must share in order for all of the answers to be found. Our approach in the sinful world of secrecy and fear is that of selfishness (capitalism) and through the marriage (as a model for the church, i.e., communalism) we work toward a world of candor and trust.*
[* The Christian marriage is a state of communal living where there are no fig leaves and no secrets and no fears.]